


The Lies That Bind (Part Two: Now Is Not The Time For Revenge)

by boltschick2612



Series: The Lies That Bind [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Tampa Bay Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 04:12:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boltschick2612/pseuds/boltschick2612
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One lie can ruin everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lies That Bind (Part Two: Now Is Not The Time For Revenge)

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during the 2011 offseason when Stamkos' contract was up for renewal. Stammergeddon was a real thing, everything else wasn't.

"Man, I will be so glad when all this bullshit is over," Stamkos said. He was standing in the kitchen of his apartment, having his breakfast of toast and coffee while browsing through various websites on his laptop that was resting on the counter. He did this most days, as it had become his morning routine. Stamkos tried to avoid the type of sites that were mostly built around trade rumors, but today he couldn't help it. Not when 90% of those rumors were based around him.

 

"Hmmm?" Downie said, and looked up from what he was doing, which was lounging on the couch and checking email and the usual hockey sites on his iPhone. 

"I said I really can't wait until this contract bull shit is all over," Stamkos repeated.

"It will be soon enough, I'm sure. They just have to iron out the details," Downie assured him. 

Free Agency had started a week prior, and currently Steven Stamkos was the hottest commodity on the market. His 3 year Rookie Level Contract had expired, leaving him a Restricted Free Agent. Many expected and hoped that Tampa would have locked him into another contract by the time that Day One of Free Agency rolled around. When that didn't happen, fans and media alike started to panic. A lot.

Stamkos himself was one of those people that hoped that his contract would be done by July 1st. Speculations and rumors started to fly. First Stamkos wanted out of Tampa. Then he was signing with the Maple Leafs, then it was the Flyers. There was no shortage of rumors about where Stamkos was going and why.

"Did you know that there's a name for all this? Stammergeddon," Stamkos said to Downie, making no effort to hide the disgust in his voice.

"You really need to stay off those stupid rumor sites. You're worse than the fans," Downie said laughing. Stamkos' contract extension had taken center stage in Tampa, and most of the hockey world. Stamkos had made a name for himself as one of the League's top goal scorers since coming onto the scene 3 years ago, winning several awards and joining the ranks of Crosby and Ovechkin. It was to be expected that when Stamkos' contract was up this summer that he would be getting a hefty pay increase in addition to a long term commitment.He was more interested in the term than he was the money. Stamkos wanted to stay in Tampa for most, if not all, of his career. While he would be lying if he said that he wouldn't be happy with a little more money, he simply didn't flatter himself by thinking that he deserved more money than Marty St.Louis and certainly not more than Vincent Lecavalier.

"I feel like people think I'm dancing around my kitchen while on the phone with my agent screaming 'Show Me The Money'...you know?" Stamkos admitted, almost feeling silly for thinking that way.

"You know what the truth is. Contracts of this magnitude take time. And that's exactly what Stevie has been telling them," Downie said and shifted on the couch so that he was sitting more upright, better able to see Stamkos is the kitchen.

"You're always so good at being my voice of reason," Stamkos said and smiled back.

Anyone that knew Steve Downie knew that he was the type of person that let his emotions dictate his actions, and that it often got him in trouble. Likewise, anyone that knew Steven Stamkos knew that he was a very level headed, rational person.

That all changed once these two came together in the confines of a relationship. The dynamic completely shifted. Stamkos became the one that let his emotions rule, and Downie become the unflinchable rock.

Downie went back to reading the news on his iPhone when he heard the familiar ding of his text message notification. He opened the text and saw that it was a mass text sent from Guy Boucher to everyone on the team and this made Downie's pulse quicken. There was only one type of news Guy would want to share with the entire team in the off-season. Someone had been let walk away from the Lightning and had signed with another team. At that moment, Downie was extremely thankful that Stamkos had left his cell phone in the bedroom.

Downie hesitated before saying anything to Stamkos. He knew what Stamkos would think of it, but he figured it was better for Stamkos to hear it from him than from another source.

"Mike signed with the Wild," Downie said, trying his best to keep any sort of emotion from creeping into his voice.

"Oh," Was all Stamkos could manage. The guilt and doubt flooded over him as he started to wonder if the Lightning had let Mike Lundin walk in order to make cap space for what would eventually be Stamkos' increased salary. Every time a Lightning player had signed with another team this off-season, Stamkos felt guilt. Guilt that it was all his fault. Guilt that his upcoming contract was the reason that Mike Smith, Matt Smaby, Simon Gagne and Sean Bergenheim were now playing for another team.

After being together for 3 years, Downie could look at Stamkos now and know exactly what he was thinking.

"Hey, it's not your fault. It's just how it goes sometimes. Players come and they go. It's the nature of the business. Plus Mike told me he wanted to go play back home, he probably asked to be let go," Downie said looking at Stamkos. That last bit was a lie. Mike Lundin had never told Downie that he wanted to go back and play in his home state of Minnesota.

"Really?" Stamkos asked, feeling a little relieved.

Downie didn't like lying to Stamkos, but he knew that sometimes in a relationship it was a necessary evil in order to make your significant other happy.

The lie about Lundin was a small one, but there were other lies, much larger lies, that Downie chose to tell in order to keep his relationship in tact. 

"Have you heard anything else about Purcie?" Stamkos asked, trying not to let the desperation show in his voice.

Teddy Purcell was yet another Lightning player who's contract was set to expire this year. He has already let it be known that he wanted to stay in Tampa, yet his contract was set to go into arbitration. Steven Stamkos was not eager to add Purcell to the already far too long list of men that he felt were let go from the Lightning so that he could potentially have the monstrous contract that everyone expected him to get.

"No, nothing new," Downie said,  and his heart broke as he saw the pain on Stamkos' face. At that moment, Stamkos' phone rang. He sat looking at Downie, not wanting to answer it. He didn't want to answer it because he didn't want to be disappointed when it wasn't the phone call that he hoped it was. This had become an everyday occurrence.

"Oh, just answer it," Downie said, and got up off the couch to retrieve Stamkos' cell phone out of the bedroom. He returned with the cell phone, and it was still ringing. He handed it Stamkos, but not before looking at the caller ID.

"Don Meehan," Downie says excitedly, knowing that this is the call that Stamkos had been waiting for.

"Hello?" Stamkos answered, his heart racing.

"Uh, huh.....no, that sounds good."

"Well, I'm flexible on that part."

"Ok, Don. I'll stop by tomorrow and sign it. Thanks so much." Stamkos ended the conversation and sets the phone down on the couch beside him.

Downie looked at him wide eyed and asked "Sign what? The contract? It's finished?"

Stamkos smiles and says "Yep, Everything is all worked out. Just waiting on my signature."

"You know what this means? I'm taking you out to lunch to celebrate!" Downie smiled, plopped down on the couch next to Stamkos and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I'm so glad you're stuck in Tampa now....how many years?" Downie whispered while planting kisses on the spot behind Stamkos' ear.

"Five," Stamkos replied.

Stamkos leaned into Downie's kisses and reached up to run his fingers through Downie's hair.

"Can we go to that new place downtown? I've been wanting to try it," Stamkos asked, half distracted by the kisses that Downie was now trailing across his collar bone.

Downie stopped just long enough to say "We can go wherever you want. Or just stay here and........"

"I'm starving," Stamkos abruptly got up off the couch and went to the area by the front door where he had tossed his shoes the night before. He grabbed the shoes and went back to the couch to slip them on.

"You want to go  _right now_?" Downie said, looking at him in disbelief.

"Yes. I'm starving," Stamkos reiterated. He really hadn't been eating much the past few weeks as the stress from the contract negotiations had caused him to lose his appetite. Now that he felt he had nothing further to worry about, his appetite came back with a vengeance.

Downie sighed, got up off the couch and said "Ok. fine," his tone of voice a little snappy.

"You are so lucky I'd do anything for you, even take a puck for you," Downie said while walking to the bedroom to change out of his sweat pants.

"Is that the hockey equivalent of taking a bullet for someone?" Stamkos yelled to Downie from the kitchen where he was grabbing a drink.

"Yep, and don't go stealing my lines," Downie's voice came from the bedroom. Downie walked out of the bedroom fully dressed and says "All right, let's go cranky pants".

 

                                                                                                        -X-

 

 

 

Downie and Stamkos walked into the front door of the restaurant and were immediately greeted by a beautiful smiling hostess.

"Good Afternoon! Two? Would you like to sit inside or out on our patio?" The hostess asked, the smile never leaving her face. Downie was beginning to wonder if that plastered on smile ever hurt her cheeks.

"Oh, can we sit outside? It's so nice out!" Stamkos asked with the same tone as a 5 year old asking if he can have a puppy.

"Nice? Are you fucking kidding me? It's hotter than your mom outside!" Downie exclaimed, causing the hostess' smile to finally leave her face. Stamkos leaned over to whisper in Downie's ear. "You said you would do anything for me...."

Downie couldn't believe Stamkos was talking this way in public, even if no one could hear them. "We'll sit outside, miss," he said, eyeing Stamkos suspiciously. As they were walking behind the hostess, following her to their seats outside, Downie leaned over and whispered to Stamkos. "You sure know how to get what you want."

"And you sure know how to give me what I want," Stamkos whispered back, looking around to make sure that no one could heard them.

 

 

                                                                                                  -X-

 

 

"See? Aren't you glad we sat outside? What's the point of living in Florida if you're not going to enjoy the weather?" Stamkos said.  He was sitting directly across the table from Downie, and their table was on the part of the patio that faced the sidewalk.

"I don't understand what there is to enjoy about ninety degree weather. And it looks like there is a storm rolling in....." Downie said, and peered up at the clouds. "I will be so glad when we finally get to go to Ontario next week." They had been waiting for Stamkos' contract to be settled before heading home for the summer.

"Yeah, well I'm glad that we can now," Stamkos said, and he actually breathed a sigh of relief.

At first Downie was a little nervous about sitting so close to the sidewalk, especially during lunch time when everyone was walking around Downtown. But he was relieved to see that so far everyone was observing the unwritten rule of not bothering celebrities or athletes when they are dining out in public. For the most part, people just gave them a nod and smile as they passed. The others completely ignored them all together. Downie was enjoying the quiet serenity of his afternoon off with the love of his life when the tranquility was broken by a screeching fan.

"Oh my God! It's that Stamkos kid!" the girl exclaimed, but when she said his name she pronounced it "Stam-kis".

Stamkos immediately winced and closed his eyes in frustration. There goes their quiet afternoon together. Stamkos wasn't sure if he was more frustrated by the fact that he was being bothered, the fact that she mispronounced his name, or the fact that she was calling him "kid" when she clearly was only a couple years older than him. The girl, a young redhead wearing jean shorts and a "DisneyWorld" t-shirt, approached the table. She completely ignores Downie and stands facing him.

"Wow! I love you! Can I please have a picture with you? Or an autograph?" The girl giggled and added "Or both?"

"Yeah, sure," Stamkos mumbled and stood up out of his chair, and at the same time, Downie rose from his chair. "Excuse me," Downie mumbled before making his way to the bathroom.

 

 

                                                                                                   -X-

 

 

 

Downie didn't really have to go to the bathroom, but he wasn't really in the mood for some fan girl ruining their lunch. Not today. Being with Stamkos for 3 years, he was pretty used to Stamkos getting a lot of attention. Truthfully, it didn't really bother him. What did bother him however, was when people didn't even give him so much as a glance when they were falling all over themselves to get to Stamkos.

Downie rested his hands on the counter by the sink and leaned closer to the mirror to examine his face. He stuck out his bottom lip to better get a look at the bite mark that Stamkos had left there the night before. Turned out that Steve Downie liked to live his life in the bedroom same as he liked to live his life on the ice - a little rough. And usually Stamkos was more than happy to oblige him.He was still leaning towards the mirror when the door to the bathroom swung open. Stamkos walked in and immediately looked at Downie.

"Dude. Not cool. You left me alone with the world's most annoying super-fan," Stamkos said, letting the annoyance show in his voice.

"Stam, they're all annoying," Downie said while turning around to face Stamkos, his back now facing the mirror, his thighs against the edge of the counter.

"That's a penalty. Two Minutes For Being Steve Downie." Stamkos laughed and let a sly smile creep across his lips. Downie throws his hands in the air in mock annoyance and says "I don't see any penalty boxes around here."

Stamkos' smile grew even larger as he reached for the lock on the bathroom door and flicked it into the locked position. "You're already in it."

He walked to Downie and stood right in front on him. He placed his hands on Downie's hips and gently pulls up to help hoist him onto the counter top. He didn't even have to ask Stamkos if this was what he was trying to do, because he knew that it was before he had even done it. Downie opened his legs and pulled Stamkos towards him so that his legs were wrapped around Stamkos' waist, Stamkos' hips against the inside of Downie's thighs. Stamkos pressed his lips to Downie's and nipped at his bottom lip, hitting the exact same spot that was still sore from the night before, and he gasped in pleasure mixed with a twinge of pain. Stamkos reached up and ran his fingers through Downie's brown curls, and his soft touch turned rough when he gripped Downie's hair tighter and pushed his head back until it hit the mirror behind him. He wasn't being too rough, certainly not forceful enough to actually hurt Downie, but his actions elicited a response from him on the matter none the less.

"If you give me a concussion, I'm making YOU explain to Vinny how I got it!"

"Fuck Vinny," Stamkos exclaimed before lunging forward and pressing his lips to Downie's again, eagerly kissing him on the lips before trailing his kisses down to his neck, alternating soft kisses with bites. Downie pulled away momentarily, growled and said "Man, you're feisty today!"

"Fuck Vinny," Downie mumbled, repeating Stamkos' earlier proclamation under his breath, and letting out a small laugh. "Was that a command?"

Stamkos' eyes grew wide and he raised his voice "It was not!" His tension broke and he laughed. Now it's Downie that springs forward and he pulls Stamkos towards him. Their lips meet again and Downie feels Stamkos tugging at the waistband of his jeans, fumbling at the button. Finally the button comes undone and it's followed by his zipper. Stamkos reached his hand into the free space that he had created by undoing Downie's pants. He works his hand over Downie's sensitive, rigid flesh while keeping his face just an inch away from Downie's and synchronizing their breathing. The only sounds now were Downie's labored breathing and the water dripping from the faucet. The silence and Downie's concentration were broken by the shrill sound of his cell phone.

"Don't you fucking dare......" Stamkos growled at Downie, telling him not to answer it.

Any thought of answering his phone escaped Downie's mind as Stamkos' tempo increased, as did the intensity of the kisses he was leaving on Downie's skin.

                                                                                                              -X-

 

 

 

The two were back at their table in the restaurant for about five minutes before Downie had remembered the phone call he had received earlier. He fished the cell phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his missed calls list to see who had called him. It was Ryan Malone.

"Hey Stam, I'm going to call Bugsy back before the food comes," Downie said, raising from his seat and pushing the chair away from the table.

Downie walks to the corner of the patio and dials Malone. The phone rings three times before Bugsy picks it up.

  
_"Hello?"_

"Hey Bugs, sorry I missed your call. Stammer and I are out to lunch and I must not have heard the phone ring.  
What's up?"

  
_"Can you come over here when you're done there? We need to talk. And come alone."_

"Yeah....What's up?" Downie said, the confusion clear in his voice.

Downie never received an answer because Ryan had already hung up.

 

                                                                                                        -X-

 

When Downie pulled his car into Ryan's driveway later that evening, the sun was just setting and it was turning the sky a shade of purpleish-pink. He let himself in, just as Ryan had instructed. He was greeted by the sight of Ryan sitting on the couch in his living room, the setting sun streaming in through the windows, casting the same purple-pink hue across half of his face.

Now Downie was sitting in the arm chair that was facing the sofa that Ryan was sitting on, same as he had been since he walked in and they started talking.

"I told Mike. I told him everything," Ryan said, staring at the wall.

It took Downie a few moments to realize what Ryan was talking about when he said "I told Mike everything", but once he did, he felt his stomach drop, the blood drain from his face, and his pulse quicken.

Downie realized that Ryan had told Mike Smith, the Lightning's former back-up goalie that had been involved with Ryan, about that one night 6 months ago when Downie and Ryan had allowed their loneliness to overtake them and they sought comfort in each other by sleeping together while Stamkos was away at the All Star Game and Mike was is Norfolk. Downie knew that Mike had recently signed with the Phoenix Coyotes and wondered if Ryan's confession might have had something to do with it.

"See Steven...not  _everyone_  leaving was your fault...some of it was mine," Downie thought to himself as he stared at the floor, shame burning inside his chest.He looked up again and saw that Ryan was still staring straight ahead at the wall. He could swear that he saw tears roll down Ryan's cheeks in the dimming light of the setting sun.

"Are....are you going to tell Steven?" Downie asked, his pulse racing faster than it ever has.

Ryan doesn't turn to face him, instead he continues to stare at the wall while talking.

"No. That's not my place. But I think that maybe you should."

 

 

                                                                                                         -X-

 

As Downie drives back to Stamkos' apartment, his mind is swirling. He wonders how he could have been so stupid? How could he have fucked up this bad? 

It was true that Downie had thought about that night on occasion since it happened, but the truth of the matter was that he didn't see any positive side to confessing it to Stamkos. He thought it selfish to put Stamkos through the pain that he knew the truth would cause him just so that he could walk around with a clear conscience.

Now Downie couldn't get that night out of his head...........

                                                                                                          -X-

 

The whole team had a week off in the last week of January, because of the All Star Game. Everyone except Stamkos and St.Louis, as they were attending the event. Ryan and Downie saw this as the perfect opportunity to do something they haven't done in a long time....lay low and hang out. They used to be very good friends, but they started to drift apart when Ryan got involved with Mike and Downie got involved with Stamkos.

They were at Ryan's apartment, trying to figure out what movie to watch while they waited for their pizza to arrive. Ryan was standing in front of the DVD rack, looking through the movies. He pulled out the movie that Downie had requested earlier in the night, walked over to the DVD player and put the movie in. He walked back over to couch, stopped, and immediately started to laugh.

"What? What's so funny?" Downie asked, raising his eyebrows.

"It's just......nothing. I just thought......" Bugsy started, hesitating.

"WHAT!?" Downie said smiling. He was laughing, but only because Ryan was laughing. Truth be told, he was actually kinda nervous. He thought he knew what was going on in Ryan's mind and he didn't like where this was going.

"Well, I was just remembering the last time we hung out and you-" Ryan started to say, still laughing.

Downie held up his hand, making the stop motion. This was exactly where he thought the conversation was going and now that it was there, he discovered he liked it even less than he thought he would.

"Can we please not talk about that,eh? That was a long time ago," Downie said, trying his best to sound stern, but he couldn't help but let a small smile creep to his lips.

"Fine, we won't talk about the time that you got drunk and you tried to fuck me," Ryan said, still smiling. He sat  down on the couch next to a shocked looking Downie.

"You are such an ass. Are you sure it was me who was doing the instigating? Because I remember it being the other way around," Downie said, playfully slapping Ryan on the arm.

The incident had happened shortly before either of them were in a serious relationship, and although nothing came of it and no one was hurt, they still never talked about it after that day.Ryan got up again and went to the kitchen. He came back with a 24 case of Budweiser and set it on the floor before turning to Downie and saying "All right, no one's going home until this is all gone."

"First, you're already home. Second, once all that IS gone, I'm not driving home." Downie laughed and added "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Why not? No games all week, no practice for two days.......give me one good reason!" Ryan said and smirked.

"Because of what happened last time I got drunk around you, and I can't afford it this time," Downie thought to himself, but instead just said "Ok, fine" against his better judgement. Ryan sat down on the couch, grabbed a beer, popped it open, and chugged it down in three swallows.

"Well, you better get cracking Bub, if you're going to keep up," Ryan said laughing.

Downie reached down to the case, pulled out a beer, cracked it open, and started to chug, all the while wondering what he had gotten himself into.

 

 

                                                                                                           -X-

 

Downie awoke a couple hours later, still on Bugsy's couch. His head was spinning, and his stomach was churning.

"Damn, how much did I drink?" Downie wondered out loud, and he was a little surprised when he got an answer.

"You only got to nine, pussy. Looks like you couldn't hang," Ryan said from where he was still sitting on the end of the couch, same place he had been when they started drinking. Downie sat up and immediately knew that was a bad decision, as it made his head spin even more, which in turn made his stomach churn even more. He jumped up and ran to the bathroom, and he was so focused on the spinning in his head and the clenching in his stomach that he didn't notice that Ryan was following right behind him. Downie had just finished emptying the entire contents of his stomach when he heard a voice from the doorway.

"You feel better now?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah," Downie wearily responded.

"Good, because you really are a pussy," Ryan said and walked away laughing. A few minutes later Ryan returned to the bathroom with a glass of ice water and handed it to Downie.

"You know what happened to the last guy that called me a pussy?" Downie asked while reaching out to accept the glass.

"Yeah, Matt Hendricks. And as I remember, HE gave YOU a black eye," Ryan said walking away, but this time going to sit back down on the couch.

"I totally fucked his day up. He'll never tell me that he 'fucked my momma' again!" Downie yelled from the bathroom floor.

It was a few minutes before the room stopped spinning enough for Downie to pick himself up off the floor and walk back to the living room where Ryan was now sitting on the couch.

"Dude....I...." Downie started.

"Am not driving home," Malone finished the sentence for him.

Ryan got up, walked over to Downie, put his hands on this shoulders, turned him around to face the guest bedroom and said "Come on, to bed with you. I guess this is my fault."

Malone proceeded to steer Downie towards the guest room. Once they crossed the threshold of the room, Ryan playfully shoved Downie further into the room and said "There you go, goodnight."

Malone wasn't able to turn around and leave because Downie tripped on the carpet and reached behind himself to grab onto Malone's shirt in an effort to keep himself from falling face first onto the carpet.

Downie's actions didn't work as he ended up falling forward and bringing Malone down with him.

Downie fell forward, landing face first onto the floor with a thud, followed by Ryan falling right on top of him.

Downie was finding it difficult to breath with his face pinned to the floor and 219 pounds of hockey player laying on top of him. He twisted his body around so that instead of laying face down on the floor, he was now face up, nose to nose with Ryan.

"I......" Ryan started to say.

Downie wasn't sure what Ryan could even be talking about right now, all he was trying to do was turn around so he could breath.

"Did Bugsy think that I had pulled him onto the floor on purpose? That I was turning to get closer to him?" Downie thought.

Once the thought of dragging Ryan down to the floor on purpose started to play in Downie's mind, he couldn't be sure that he  _hadn't_  done it intentionally.  thought flicked across his mind. "Maybe I  _did_  mean to....." 

"Shut up," Downie barked, and next thing they both knew their lips were touching. Then it was Ryan's mouth on Downie's collar bone, followed by Downie's hand on Ryan's ass.

Downie's head was spinning as Ryan's lips were on his, nipping at his lower lip. Downie raised his hips up, grinding against the man on top of him. Now it was Ryan's head that was spinning. He could feel the heat that was emanating from Downie through his clothes. Downie undid his pants and raised his shirt over his head before reaching up and doing the same to Ryan. He then turned his body so that he was face down on the floor again. He could feel the weight of Ryan on top of him, he relished in the sensation of Ryan's bare skin on touching his.

Ryan ran both of his hands down Downie's arms then when he got to his hands, he wove his fingers through Downie's ,clasped down, and brought his hands above his head, with Downie still pinned down face first on the floor. Ryan started kissing and biting at the back of Downie's neck in a way that he was sure would leave marks, if not raw skin. Downie lifted his hips again, lifting his ass slightly in the air, coming into contact with Ryan's thighs and that was all the prompting that Ryan needed.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Ryan asked, his mouth just inches away from Downie's ear, and the feeling of Ryan's breath of his cheek turned Downie on even more.

"No....are you?" Downie whispered.

"No....but do you want to stop?" Ryan asked.

"Not at all."

                    

                                                                                                            -X-

 

 

Downie walked into the apartment after getting back from talking to Ryan that evening and immediately noticed that the porch door was open. He made his way to the porch where he was almost certain Stamkos was, he knew that he loved to sit and relax out there in the evenings. He was proved right as he saw that Stamkos was sitting on the porch, looking out across the lake with his back facing him. His feet were propped up on the footrest and he had his hand wrapped around a wine glass that was resting on the table next to a bottle of 2008 Chateau Belair Monange Merlot.

Downie walked out onto the porch, loudly shuffling his feet to make sure that Stamkos knew he was behind him. He was sure that Stamkos must have heard the front door open, but he didn't want to surprise Stamkos just in case he didn't. Plus, this stall tactic bought him some time to collect his thoughts before he confronted Stamkos. He was standing behind Stamkos' chair now, and he reached for the bottle of wine that was resting on the table and picked it up, turning it over to examine it.

It was almost completely empty. Downie decided to have what little that was left, and drank it straight from the bottle.

"I bought that bottle the day I got drafted," Stamkos said without turning around to look at Downie. "Well, I had my parents buy it, being that I was only 18," Stamkos added laughing.

"You celebrating?" Downie asked, shaking the empty bottle for emphasis and setting it back on the table.

Stamkos just laughed as an answer. The shrill, condescending laugh sent shivers through Downie's body. It was as if he somehow knew. He started to reach down to put his hand on Stamkos' shoulder, but pulled away when he saw how bad his hand was shaking. He walked around to face Stamkos and shoved his hands into his pockets to hide his nervousness and sat down on the footrest.

Downie stared down at the floor for a few minutes, trying to collect his courage before speaking.

"Stam....I need to tell you something.....something about me.....Bugsy and me...." Downie mumbled, still staring at the floor. He looked up when he heard the sounds of the chair moving back ,scrapping against the concrete, and Stamkos standing up.

"All-Star Break, huh? You lied when you told me nothing happened," Stamkos said, now standing in front of where Downie was still sitting on the footrest. He knew that it would be an insult to try and explain it to Stamkos, there simply was no excuse, and to try and think otherwise was a waste of everyone's time and energy. He stood up, resting his hand on the table. The look in Stamkos' eyes begged for something, some semblance of a reason, and Downie decided to give him one against his better judgement.

 

"Yes....I'm so sorry, it was a huge mistake....and it all started when-" Downie started but was stopped short when Stamkos raised his fist up and stopped himself just inches short of landing a punch on his jaw.

Stamkos just stood there for a few seconds, fist still hanging in the air and fire flashing in his eyes.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Stamkos said tauntingly. A maniacal laugh escaped Stamkos' throat and he batted at the wine glass that was on the table, one timing it against the wall. The glass exploded against the wall, sending glass shards and red liquid throughout the porch. Stamkos pushed past Downie and stormed into the kitchen, grabbing Downie's car keys off the counter. Stamkos starts to walk out onto the porch before stopping short in front of Downie, who had followed him into the apartment. "I let you in.....Let you in here," Stamkos says, pointing to the middle of his chest, Downie's keys still clenched in his fist. "I opened myself to you, made myself vulnerable, you knew my apprehension, but I let you in anyhow..." he continued, his voice elevating. The keys in his' hand were jingleing, he was shaking with rage.

"For three years I let you in," Stamkos said tapping at his chest again, this time with considerably more force. Intense anger was creeping into his voice. "I gave you everything I had. I gave you my  _soul,_ " Stamkos choked between sobs. "FOR THREE YEARS! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!?" he yelled and pitched Downie's keys to him. He caught them against his chest and stood there stunned.

"Get the fuck out," Stamkos said, this time the intense anger in his voice was gone, in its place was disgust. He storms to his bedroom and slams the door behind him.

 

                                                                                                 -X-

 

Downie turns his car keys over in his hands while standing outside the apartment next to his car. He was stalling. He didn't want to leave, but knew that he should, at least for now. He starts to unlock his car door when he notices that Stamkos had removed his apartment key from the keyring before chucking the keys at him.

                                                                                                 -X-

Downie was sitting on the couch in his apartment, the TV was off and he was just staring at the wall while clutching his 6th beer of the night in his hand. This had become Downie's nightly ritual since that night a week ago when the truth about his actions was revealed, causing his world to come crashing down around him. His text notification sounded on his phone, and he numbly reached down to picked his cell off the floor and opened the message.

  
**Hey #9....judging by the fact that Stammer hasn't signed yet, I'm guessing you told him?- #12**

A look of confusion played across Downie's face as soon as he read Ryan's text to him. He types out his reply and pushes 'send'.

  
**I don't know what you're talking about. His contract was done a week ago, he just had to sign it.**

Downie sat there taking a few more swigs of his beer while waiting for Ryan's reply. It came almost a full beer later.

  
**The fact the you have no idea what's going on with him and that he isn't taking any of my calls further proves my point....I'm sorry man. This shit is fucked up. I don't now what we're going to do.**

Ryan's reply made Downie's blood boil. How could his friend be so blasè about this situation? But in the end, Ryan did have a point. He had not heard from Stamkos or been back to the apartment since the night that he threw his keys at him, sans apartment key, and told him to get the fuck out. He had tried, lord knows he did, but Stamkos wanted to have nothing to do with him. He sat there thinking of what to type next, his thumbs hovering above the phone's keypad. He was about to type his reply to Ryan when he stopped himself, and typed a message to Stamkos instead.

  
**Steven..... If you never speak to me ever again, I just need to know this one thing....why haven't you signed yet?**

Downie's heart was racing and tears were welling up in his eyes. He wasn't sure if he was even going to get a reply from Stamkos, and not sure if he even wanted to know the answer. Just when Downie wasn't sure if his heart could pound any harder, he discovered it could when he heard that familiar ding.

  
**Because I don't know if I want to be here anymore.**

He sat there staring at those words on his screen, and the words became blurry when the tears started to pour and obscure his vision. He threw his beer bottle on the floor and jumped up off the couch before grabbing the keys to his sports bike in anger and heading out the door, letting the door slam behind him.

    
                                                                                                   -X-

 

Downie was riding his Ducati down the road at 90 miles per hour, the rain stinging his skin. He wasn't even sure where he was going, but he knew that he probably shouldn't be driving, not as drunk and emotional as he was. And he also knew that he didn't care. All Steve Downie could think about was the fact that at this very moment, Stamkos was probably on the phone with the Maple Leafs or the Flyers, probably arranging a deal. He had driven away the very person that had saved his life. Stamkos had brought Downie back from the brink of the dark edge that he had been living on 3 years ago, and he had repaid him by betraying his trust.He throttled the gas even harder, accelerating to over 100 miles per hour. The rain continued to come down, and Downie found his eye lids starting to close from the combination of exhaustion and alcohol. He tried to fight it, but it never came into his mind to pull over. He couldn't fight it any longer, his head fell forward and his eyes closed........

 

                                                                                                  -X-

 

Stamkos was skating in circles at the Lightning's practice facility, his mind completely on Steve Downie and the text that he had sent him earlier that night. How dare Downie ask anything of him after what he had done? And out of all the questions, the one Downie had wanted to know the most was not if Stamkos had loved him, but why hadn't he signed his contract yet?

Stamkos had decided to come the Brandon Ice Sports Forum for a skate to blow off some steam and apparently, he was not the only one who was using a late night skate to combat insomnia or personal demons.

Vincent Lecavalier was already on the ice when Stamkos has arrived at the Forum. Vinny must not have noticed Stamkos arrive, as he hadn't said anything to him and it appeared that he was in his own world, and Stamkos was alright with this, he wasn't really in the mood for small talk. Plus he knew that there was no way he could keep his emotions from showing on his face, and Vinny would know something was up for sure. He continued to skate in circles, thinking about how much he didn't want to leave, yet how much he didn't want to stay here.

Surely there had to be another option.  Surely there had to be something...........

With every turn, every push of Stamkos' skates, his anger grew. He couldn't believe Downie would  betray him like this, and then hide it for 6 months. His anger consumed him until all that he could think about was a way to level the playing field, maybe then he wouldn't have to leave the team he loved. And then a thought occured to him as he watched Vinny skate in circles at the opposite end of the ice.

                                                                                                 -X-

 

Stamkos walked up to Vinny until he was almost nose to nose with him, staring him intently in the eyes. Vinny had seen that look in Stamkos' eyes before, on the ice and in practice when he thought he had something to prove. Every movement Stamkos made had an intent and a purpose, it was almost as if Stamkos was a man possessed as he stood imposing on Vinny's personal space to the point where his calfs were digging into the edge of the bench in front of his locker stall.

Stamkos looked Vinny intently in the eyes and said "Look, Vinny, I don't have time to dick around here.....you wanna fuck?"

Vinny's mouth dropped open in shock. Where the hell was this coming from? One minute he's getting dressed after working out, the next he's being propositioned by the team's star.

"Excuse me?" Vinny finally managed to squeak out.

"Don't play coy with me, Vinny. I've heard the stories. I've heard all about you and Richards," Stamkos said while further imposing his body into Vinny's space, pushing up against him.

When Brad Richards was traded away from the Tampa Bay Lightning to the Dallas Stars in 2008, that essentially ended Brad and Vinny's relationship, but Brad had made Vinny promise him something. He  made him promise that he wouldn't be with any other men while Brad was gone, and in return Brad promised that as soon as his contract was up in Dallas, he would return to play in Tampa, not matter what. It hurt Vinny to be without Brad at the time, but he knew that they would be together again, soon enough.

When the time came just a few weeks ago that Brad was an Unrestricted Free Agent, he decided that playing for the New York Rangers was more important than keeping his promise to Vinny. That's when Vinny learned that promises mean nothing. All those years wasted keeping a promise to someone that never intended to keep theirs in return left Vinny feeling foolish and hungry for the type of affection he used to get from Brad. He knew that in his mind, Stamkos would just be an substitute for Brad Richards. 

The feeling of Stamkos' body pressed up against his, every bulge and muscle, made Vinny momentarily forget who and where he was, he closed his eyes, threw his head back and said "Oh God, Votre corpes se sent si bien!"

Stamkos smiled and said "Want more?" before hovering his lips just centimeters above Vinny's and whispering "Does your wife know you have a thing for young superstars?" and just to drive his point home, Stamkos further pressed up against Vinny. 

Truth was, Vinny didn't really "have a thing" for men at all, at least he didn't until Brad. He couldn't really define what he and Brad shared other than the fact that they have been through so much, shared so much, that what they had couldn't be confined by the constraints of a simple "friendship". It took all of Vinny's strength to get out his next sentence. "Brad was a long time ago, and whatever happened is between me and him."

"I don't care. Really. The only thing that it means to me is that you're willing to help me out," Stamkos said while reaching his hand up and snaking it through Vinny's hair. He then pulled Vinny towards him and kissed him aggressively, biting at his lower lip. Vinny was finding it increasingly hard to think, but he knew this wasn't right. He knew that this wasn't really what Stamkos wanted, that this wasn't like Stamkos at all. And he knew he had to act fast before he lost all of his self control.

Vinny cleared his throat and that action brought him momentary clarity.

"Look....I don't know what Downie did to piss you off, but it's obvious you're here for revenge. This isn't the answer," Vinny said, and in the back of his mind he was wishing he had no morals, no conscience.

"Stop being my Captain for one damn minute, and start being exactly what I need" Stamkos said, while reaching his hand down and feeling Vinny through the front of his gym shorts. Vinny lost it. He closed his eyes and his knees gave out, almost sending him crashing onto the bench behind him.

"Je vous veux si mauvais!" Vinny said, his eyelids fluttering as he tried to gain control. One part of his mind was telling him that taking advantage of Stamkos' insecurities and his need to exact some sort of Biblical Revenge, an eye for an eye, would be a huge mistake. And another part of his mind was telling him that Stamkos  _was_  a grown man, and if he wanted to use Vinny as some sort of pawn in the chess game that he was playing with Downie, then who was he to argue? He finally decided to sit down on the bench, his legs were weak, his heart racing, and he didn't think he could stand any longer. He sat slouched on the bench, head down, trying to slow his breathing. His heart was racing and his head was pounding. The sound of his blood pumping in his ears was almost so loud that Vinny found it hard to collect his thoughts. Thoughts such as the fact that he knew that the type of person he  _really_  was wouldn't do this and that the type of person that Stamkos  _really_  was wouldn't ask him to. And that's when an idea occurred to him.

Vinny stood up, and without saying a word, grabbed Stamkos by the shirt and pulled him towards him. Vinny pressed his lips to Steven's while moving his hand, the one that wasn't twisted up in the front of Steven's shirt, to his ass. He pulled away after a few seconds, and started searching Stamkos' face for the reaction that he knew was coming. Stamkos stood there, staring, not blinking, at Vinny for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, Vinny saw the tears start to work their way to the corners of Stamkos' eyes. Stamkos blinked and looked down at the floor.

"I can't do this," Stamkos said while still staring at the floor.

"I know," Vinny replied.

"You were testing me?" Stamkos asked, but it really was more of a rhetorical question, as he already knew the answer, or at least he thought he did.

"I wasn't testing, I was showing you what was in your heart. Now is not the time for revenge, now is the time to get back what you lost, before it's gone for good."

"You were testing," Stamkos said, letting out a small smile.

"Ok, maybe. Now get the fuck out of here before I change my mind and make you fulfil your offer," Vinny smiled.

Stamkos gathered his belongings, not looking back at his Captain, partially too embarrassed to do so. As he walked out of the room and made his way down the hall, he could hear Vinny talking to himself in the Locker Room behind him.

"These fucking kids........."

  
    
                                                                                              -X-

 

Stamkos was immediately hit by the cool Florida breeze as he walked out of the door of the Forum, and he found it refreshing, a little cleansing. He couldn't believe what he had almost just done, but as the cool breeze blew over this skin, he almost felt his transgressions blowing away with the wind. He was snapped back to reality by the sound of his phone ringing, and he dug it out of his gym bag and looked at the caller ID on the screen. It was Downie.

"Hello?"

"You did WHAT?"

"ARE YOU OK?!"

"I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!"

Stamkos hung up the phone and raced to his car.

                                                                                                -X-  
  

From the second that Downie had called Stamkos to say that he had wrecked his bike, Stamkos was operating on auto-pilot. While driving, he found himself wondering what had happened to get them to this point, both tonight and in their lives. Downie usually mumbled when he talked, but tonight he was almost incomprehensible, to the point where Stamkos was sure he had been drinking. He was paying no attention to his speed, and he if he had been, he would have known what a miracle it was that he didn't get pulled over.

 

                                                                                                  -X-

 

When Stamkos had pulled over to the side of the road where Downie said he would be, he was greeted by the sight of Downie sitting on the ground, covered in dirt and grass. He parked his car and urgently jumped out and ran to where Downie was sitting and crouched down to him so fast that he looked like a baseball player sliding into home base. It was when Stamkos got closer to Downie that he could see that it wasn't just dirt and grass he was covered in, but cuts and scrapes as well. The knees of Downie's jeans were torn away to reveal raw skin underneath, the left side of his shirt was shredded and Stamkos could clearly see the gravel specked patch of road rash that spanned his side from right under his left arm all the way down to his waist.

"What happened? What did you do?" Stamkos asked Downie frantically, taking Downie's face into his hands.

Stamkos looked deep into Downie's eyes and was instantly taken back to that night 3 years ago when Downie had revealed all the dark secrets of his soul, scared and trembling on Stamkos' porch. Downie had the same look in his eyes, the same desperation, here and now as he sat bruised and broken on the side of the road.

Stamkos mind had stopped reeling long enough to finally notice that Downie's blue Ducati Sports Bike was nowhere in sight.

"Where's your Bike?" Stamkos asked, already forgetting that he had never gotten his original questions answered. Downie said nothing and just turned and looked behind him. Stamkos followed his gaze to a point about 100 feet behind him, where the wrecked sports bike lay on it's side. As bad as Downie looked, the bike looked worse. Just as the road had taken off layers of Downie's skin, it had also taken off layers of the bike's paint and metal. He finally spoke, for the first time since he had called Stamkos for help.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. You're going to have to leave a city you love, and it's all my fault. You're out here in the middle of the night when you should be sleeping, and it's all my fault."

Downie had his head down as he said this, but Stamkos could still smell the stench of cheap beer on his breath.

"What where you thinking driving when you're this drunk? What where you thinking getting this drunk at all?" Stamkos said, his tone of voice not really stern or lecturing, more inquisitive.

"I didn't care. I thought that there was a good chance you were leaving, and even if you stayed, things would never be the same between us. Nothing mattered." Downie was shaking as he said this, and he wasn't sure if it was from the cool breeze, the pain, or a combination of both.

Stamkos sat there staring at Downie, and all he could think of were Vinny's words to him.

  
_"Now is the time to get back what you lost before it's gone for good."_

Stamkos could hear those words in his head as clearly now as when Vinny first said them. He looked at Downie with these words echoing in his mind and took ahold of Downie' left hand and placed in on his chest, right over his heart. "Listen to me. I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever. I could have lost you tonight. I almost did. And you don't know what that would have done to me." Stamkos was on the verge of tears. They both sat there in silence for a few moments, Downie still hanging his head in shame and Stamkos still holding his hand to his chest.

"We need to get you to the hospital," Stamkos said as his rational mind started to take over, and it wasn't a moment to soon. If he had to think about his life without Steve Downie much longer, he would have completely lost it.

"No. I'm fine. I don't want anyone knowing about this," Downie said, looking down ashamed.

"You could have killed yourself!" Stamkos shouted, showing the first real flash of anger he's felt since this whole thing started.

"I didn't hit anyone, there's no destruction of property other than my own, and no one got hurt other than me," Downie mumbled.

"And me..." Stamkos added looking down at the grass.

Stamkos lifted his eyes after a moment and said "Fine. We need someone with a truck to come pick up your bike." He sat there across from Downie trying to think of someone that fit the bill when.....

"I'll call Bugsy," Stamkos said, causing Downie to look up at him in shock. 

Downie was shocked partly because of the fact that Stamkos wanted to have anything to do with Ryan Malone after what had happened, and partly because of the fact that he was calling Ryan by his nickname, something only friends do.

"He's still your friend and I know he won't make a big deal of this or tell anyone else.....and I want to be able to forgive him, too," Stamkos explained, knowing Downie must be wondering about his choice. 

Stamkos got up and walked towards his car to make the phone call to Malone, just as he said he would. After the shock of Stamkos calling him had worn off, Ryan started asking questions, which Stamkos answered them in a calm tone. He ended the call and walked over to where Downie was still sitting on the ground and stopped before him before reaching down to offer Downie a hand to help pull himself up.

"Alright, let's assess the damage...come on, up," Stamkos ordered. He pulled Downie up into a standing position, and lifted his left arm up so that he could better look at the large expanse of road rash that spanned his side. He reached out and gingerly ran his hand along Downie's side, causing him to wince in pain. Stamkos saw him grimace and said "Sorry Downs, but I had to make sure that it was only superficial scrapes."

"You sure you didn't like causing me pain? Can't say I'd blame you if you did," Downie quiped. With that Stamkos grabbed Downie by the jaw and pulled him closer to him, staring deeply into his eyes.

"No matter what you do, or how mad I am at you, I will never....NEVER...take pleasure in your pain!" Stamkos said before pulling Downie even closer to him and touching their lips together. It was at that exact moment that they were both bathed in the bright headlights of the truck that was pulling up to the spot where they were standing. 

                                                                                                -X-

 

If Ryan hadn't already known that Downie had just gotten into an accident and that Stamkos was no doubt inspecting his injuries, he would have thought that he just drove up on the two in the midst of an intimate moment.

"Get a room guys!" Malone joked while stepping out of his black Cadillac Escalade EXT Truck. As soon as Ryan saw the look that Stamkos threw his way, the smile disappeared from his face.

"Right. Not a good time for jokes. Got it, sorry," Ryan mumbled while walking towards where Downie was standing in front of Stamkos.

"You alright, Downs?" Ryan quietly asked while avoiding Stamkos' gaze. He didn't want to push any buttons or cross any lines with Stamkos, yet at the same time Downie was his friend and he had to make sure he was alright.

"Yeah. Fine. I just want to go home. You two come help me get the bike into the truck?" Downie said while starting to make his way to where the bike lay twisted and on it's side.

"The only thing your going to do is go wait for me in the car," Stamkos said while handing his car keys to Downie. He took the keys and started walking back to Stamkos' car without saying a word. He didn't have the energy or gall to argue with Stamkos right now, especially about something so insignificant.

"Will you pull your truck up to where the bike is?" Stamkos asked, not looking at Ryan, but it was obvious he was talking to him.

"Yeah, sure," Ryan said and started digging his truck keys out of his pocket. He stood there for a few seconds, not moving. He felt the need to say something to Stamkos, the tension between them was suffocating. Stamkos turned on his heels and started to walk away when Ryan called after him.

"Hey, Stammer...I...."

Stamkos could tell that Ryan was at a loss for words and decided he would put an end to his search for the right thing to say. "Not now. Some other time, Ok?" He turned and walked away without waiting for Ryan's reply. Stamkos wasn't lying when he said he wanted to forgive Ryan, but he didn't think it was something that should be handled tonight. One case of roadside redemption was all he could manage tonight.

                                                                                                      -X-

 

Ryan pulled his truck up to where Stamkos was standing next the the blue Ducati. He got out, opened the tail gate and walked over to the bike. Stamkos took the front end of the bike, Ryan the back. The two had a little trouble hauling the bike into the bed of the truck, but eventually they managed. Ryan was thankful for the distraction that trying to get the bike into the truck bed caused. He didn't know how much more passive anger he could take from his former friend and current team mate, even if he did deserve it.

After the bike was secured and the tail gate closed, Stamkos found himself staring at Ryan and thinking that he could easily see how Downie, and half the female population of Florida, could fall for Ryan Malone. Ryan's six-foot-four muscular frame, the mass of red curls that adorned his head, and the plethora of colorful tattoos that painted his shoulders, chest and thighs were enough to make anyone's heart skip a beat. When you add in his infectious smile and playful personality......

Stamkos got angry at himself for thinking this way and trying to excuse away Downie' behavior, rationalize it.

"I know you want to just get Downie home. If it's ok with you guys, I'll just drop his bike off at a repair shop in the morning," Ryan said, hoping that Stamkos would accept his peace offering.

"Yeah, that's great thanks," Stamkos said, smiling ever so slightly.

Ryan and Stamkos exchanged a tense goodbye and got into their respective cars and drove away, leaving nothing behind but the disturbed patch of grass where Downie's bike has come to a rest after he had lost control of it, much like his life.

                                                                                                    -X-

 

Stamkos pulled his car into the parking lot at his apartment, turned off the car, and looked over to the man in his passenger seat. Somewhere between the time that Downie went to go wait for Stamkos in the car and the time that they reached their destination, he had fallen asleep. He reached over and put his hand on Downie's shoulder to wake him up. "Hey....we're home."

Downie slowly opened his eyes and started wondering where he was. How did he get in Stamkos' car? Did Stammer just say "we're home"? Does that mean that Stamkos was back to considering his apartment as a home to the both of them, same as he did before he made the mistake that changed both of their lives forever? The nights events slowly started coming back to Downie, and when they did, he was actually a little shocked that Stamkos hadn't of just taken him back to his own apartment.

He slowly opened his eyes the rest of the way and turned to look at Stamkos, and let loose a small smile before reaching for the car's door handle and getting out. Stamkos and Downie walked all the way up to the apartment in silence. As they reached the door Stamkos opened it, still in silence. As they walked into the apartment, Stamkos threw his keys on the counter, turned to Downie and said "You take the bed, the couch is uncomfortable and will only make things worse."

Downie felt a pang of disappointment upon hearing this. He was getting mixed messages from Stamkos and didn't know what to think. Stamkos had brought him back to "their" apartment, but didn't want to sleep with him in "their" bed. Stamkos went to the linen closet and pulled out a couple pillows and blankets and threw them on the couch before saying goodnight to Downie with out even looking at him.

Downie said nothing and just shuffled off to Stamkos' bedroom.

Downie got up around 6am to get something to drink and some Tylenol. His throat was dry, he had the worst headache and all the alcohol he had consumed left him feeling dehydrated.The places on his legs and side where the road had robbed him of his skin was now starting to burn. He stood in the kitchen drinking his water and looking at the man asleep on his couch.

He was so deep in thoughts of the the past few weeks that he didn't notice that he had moved out of the kitchen and was now standing over Stamkos on the couch. Looking down at him, it was obvious he had been tossing and turning trying to sleep.

 

His blond hair was messed and stuck to his forehead where he had been sweating. It was cold out and he was sweating. Must have been a bad dream, probably about everything that had happened that night. Downie reached down and pushed away the hair on his forehead before planting a kiss there, "I love you" he whispered to the man he thought was asleep.

Stamkos wasn't asleep, but Downie didn't know that until he was already back in Stamkos' bed, the one they had shared so many times, trying to sleep when he heard the creak of the door opening, followed by footsteps leading up to the bed, and finally a voice "I love you too".


End file.
